hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
