I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
