If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
