This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
