Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
