i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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