Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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