If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
