You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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