none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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