I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
