i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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