The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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