ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
