Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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