isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
