she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
