Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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