You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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