Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
