tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think my vagina is haunted
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
