The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
