I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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