you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
