one might say we're banned from that church
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
