can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
