New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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