ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
