I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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