It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
