my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
