The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize