it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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