Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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