i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
