i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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