meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am available for nakedness
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
