I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
