Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Girls should come with a carfax report
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
