We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
