I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
