Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you will always have a special place in my vag
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
