Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Are we still banned from the library?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
