I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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