Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
