I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
