Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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