She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
