you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The maid of honor just puked.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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