I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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