Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
