i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
