Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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