i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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