Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
