There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
